Kind Regards, Rejected

The woes of job hunting ...

I’m exactly 6 months away from being 30 years old.

If 14-year-old Nisha could sneak a peek into her life now, she would be pleased to know that she graduated (twice!!). She solo travelled to different cities and continents, and despite her fear of unemployment from living through the 2008 recession, she would be relieved to know that she became financially independent and is happily married to the love of her life.

However, she would also be horrified to find out that present-day-29-year-old Nisha is unhappy. I feel deeply sad that I didn’t build the career I would wake up every day loving. After 3 years of sticking it out in my current job, I have to eventually accept that this feeling is not shrinking with more holidays, praise or a pay rise.

So while I’m sitting here, melting in the heat of my flat, in the middle of central London, where I could walk out and, in two minutes, have a chocolate cherry scone from Gail’s for breakfast or run down the canal and hit Regent’s Park, I’ve realised that having the picture-perfect, out-of-a-2000s-rom-com-movie-life doesn’t automatically come with fulfilment. A large part of satisfaction comes from having a sense of purpose and balance.

I think growing up in a household where there was a lot of pressure to be something successful immediately. I didn’t take the time to explore and enjoy the process of becoming.

Square 1

Not knowing where to begin I started off by creating an account to join the Facebook for professionals — LinkedIn. Messaging people with job titles that I’m thinking of applying for, with the hope of a connection (literally, plz accept my LinkedIn request to connect), but only to feel rejection because I, and probably many others, are likely flooding your inbox asking to chat over a virtual coffee on Teams.

Cover Letters

It’s the personal statement for professionals and apparently should be 1 page long and no more. What is the etiquette? Do I write a list of achievements? Is wit needed? A beg? A confession? What do recruiters look for?

Having to personalise each cover letter to every company I apply for and explain why I want to work there is apparently essential because being unemployed is not enough of a reason.

Clicking submit

I know I would have to eventually click submit no matter how many times I scroll up and down the application web page and come to terms with the fact that it’s all the hands of the recruiter (and the universe). I don't believe it's gone through until I receive a confirmation email. By then, the refresh button on my browser has seen better days.

Radio silence

How long does it take to receive an answer? How do I know that they will get back to me because what does this mean?

“If your experience aligns with our requirements, a member of our team will be in touch with appropriate next steps…” …. So… does that mean if I don’t align with your standards, you’ll just ignore me?

Rejections

I have opened many rejection emails at different points in my life, and somehow they never get any easier.

I received my latest rejection at 7:30 am, sleepiness still heavy on the eyes the blurry words ‘I regret to inform you …. ’ was the bitter start to my working day and the reason why the rest of it was spent in a dismal mood. The rejection email contained the same generic feedback I'd seen countless times before, both in previous rejection emails and from others sharing their experiences on Reddit.

After every rejection I go through the seven stages of grief. First comes shock because, well... I thought I had a fighting chance. Then comes denial, followed by anger and bargaining, convincing myself that maybe it was never meant for me. Depression shortly follows — I cried, after all. And finally, acceptance: rejection is simply part of the job application process, and the job market is currently experiencing a drought of entry-level jobs.

We go again ...

And so the cycle continues: constantly searching for jobs on Google and LinkedIn, writing cover letters, staying up until 11 pm on a school night knowing there is a looming hour-long commute on the Piccadilly line and a 9am clinic waiting for me the next day, hoping that maybe this next application will be the one.

I wish I could finish this post with some positivity by saying, “Yay! I got a new job!! Woo!” but I haven’t (yet). I go through phases of wondering if I’m good enough, or if I’m ungrateful for what I have. Is it my perspective? Because I am employed at the moment, but I have these doubts that I’m not appreciating my role enough.

Should I risk it for a chocolate biscuit?

But if I don’t follow my gut, don’t take a chance on myself, and stay in the same place out of fear, I risk living with regret for the rest of my working career. On the other hand, if I do take the risk and end up moving... will I thank myself in years to come, or regret leaving stability behind?

Enjoy the process

Despite experiencing several moments of regret, fear, and self-doubt there have been some positives! I have experienced more joy from exploring different areas — especially writing!

Last weekend, I attended a writing class in Holborn. I have to admit, the six hours flew by.

My tutor for the day was a wonderfully witty columnist at The Guardian. She had an infectious aura. She was theatrical, unfiltered, and effortlessly funny! I have to admit, she looked like she had rolled out of bed in her pyjamas, forgotten to shower, and consumed several cups of coffee before teaching. However, it was a real boost of confidence to receive feedback in real time to my writing, alongside constructive criticism that I can actually apply.

By the end of the class, I found myself aspiring to write like her, envious of her creative wit and effortless flow. Hearing about her journey into journalism; how unexpected and, unfortunately, unreplicable it had been, encouraged me to keep pushing. It gave me this comforting feeling that, no matter what happens, it’ll all work out. And even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment, well... it helps with the plot.

Until next time.

— Nish